Jokes

C Walkers

 

So as the days go by and we all get a little longer in the tooth, we deserve to sit back and have a giggle at ourselves.

Here are a few jokes to keep you smiling through the day xx 

 

  • An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages. She was lunching with friends and sends him a text "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile, If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip and if you are crying, send me your tears"........ He texted back "I'm on the loo . Please advise!"

 

  • Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

    BFF: Best Friend Fainted
    BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
    CBM: Covered by Medicare
    FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
    LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
    GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

 

  • An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?"

    "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."

    Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.

    "I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge.

  • After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player.

    Knowing she was not that technically astute, I called her a few days later to see how she was managing. "Fine. I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said.

    "The whole CD?" I asked.

    "No," she replied, "just one side."

 

  • When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner—both EMTs—rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What’s your age?" he asked.

    "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "What does that do?"

    "It’s a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?"

    "Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly.

 

  • Just before Easter I remarked to my husband that, with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt.

    “That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”

 

  • Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. Bob suggests they go in.

    Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. He explains they’re about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?"

    "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies.

    "Medicine for rheumatism?"

    "Definitely," he says.

    "How about Viagra?"

    "Of course."

    "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

    "Yes, the works."

    "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?"

    "Absolutely."

    "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

    "All speeds and sizes."

    "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. "We’d like to register for our wedding gifts here, please."

 

Have a great week - keep sending me the jokes

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