Jokes

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"Honey, do you think I gained weight? - No, I think the living room got smaller!"

Husband and wife "banter" always makes me laugh

Here are a few jokes to keep you smiling through the day xx 

 

 

  • My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

 

  • Woman said to her her husband while having a sexy moment: "Please say dirty things to me!"

    Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

 

  • I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.

 

  • My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
    the house.

 

  • My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.

    I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.

 

  • It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.

    He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

 

  • An elderly couple talk in the evening:
    “Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
    “I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
    “And that helps?”
    “Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”

 

Have a great week - keep sending me the jokes

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