Jokes

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A wise man once said “it takes a village to raise a child!” That’s true but, preferably one with many vineyards....

We have all done it, had the odd one too many from time to time. Heres a few smiles on the subject of drinking!

Grab a glass and enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

  • I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.

 

  • That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...

 

  • For me, being "clean and sober" means I'm showered and headed to the pub

 

  • A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

 

  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

 

  • What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

 

  • Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

 

  • I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

 

  • Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can't find herself a man. She doesn't like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn't like her!

 

  • Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

 

  • Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.

  • I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!

 

  • The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

 

  • There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."

 

 

 

Have a great week - keep sending me the jokes

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