Jokes

blonde

 

This weeks jokes are back to the good old Blonde jokes!!! Remember no offence is meant - so don't take it. 

Have fun and Enjoy x xx

Thanks Oli for these

 

  • Three Blondes Are Walking Through A Forest

    ...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks." The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves." The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

  • A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces. She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

 

  • Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.

 

  • There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE ICE RINK MANAGER!"

 

  • Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.'
  • A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

    "I would like to buy this TV."

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

    "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

    .

 

  • A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.!”

 

  • A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

    She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........

    "Let's put all these Frosties back in the box."

 

Have a great week - keep sending me the jokes 

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