Jokes

cracker

 We know it is still early but.....

What is Christmas if it doesn't involve a silly little joke from a cracker? Here are some of the best Christmas cracker jokes

So whether you just can't get enough of Christmas cracker jokes or you're planning on buying some luxury crackers which may not have that all-important joke – then fear not! So you too can have a giggle we've put together a list of the 40 cheesiest jokes that tickled our funny-bones the most, beginning with the ones sent in by you.

 

  

 

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A barberqueue

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

Two snowmen were standing in a field. One said, "Can you smell carrots?"

A man walks into a bar ....ouch

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

"It's Christmas Eve"

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm

What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?

One day my prints will come

When do vampires like racing?

When it’s neck and neck

What’s a dog’s favourite carol?

Bark, the herald angels sing

What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?

Twerky

What do snowmen have for breakfast?

Snowflakes

What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack

What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A mobile bone

Why did the pony have to gargle?

Because it was a little horse

Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles

What is Santa’s favourite pizza?

One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

What’s a horse’s favourite TV show?

Neighbours

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?

A chew chew train

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had no body to go with

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days

How do snowmen get around?

By riding an ‘icicle

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

What is the best Christmas present?

A broken drum, you can't beat it!

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Annette

What has four legs but can’t walk?

A table

What goes "Oh, Oh, Oh"?

Santa walking backwards

Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?

Because of his poor elf

What do frogs wear on their feet?

Open toad sandles

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrr!

What do you call a blind reindeer?

No eye deer

What’s round and bad tempered?

A vicious circle

 

 

 

Fuertenews is a free publication bringing you news and views about Fuerteventura. Any donations would be welcome.