Jokes

best man

 

Our Congratulations this week to Duke and Duchess of Sussex on their lovely Royal Wedding.  

 We hope that you enjoyed the service if you watched it

To celebrate this special event here are some great Best Man jokes

 

 

  • “It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.”

 

  •  “We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the groom shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth in nervous anticipation. That’s right. I’ve been asked to give him the drinks bill.”

 

  • “I’m not used to public speaking. I only found out today that a toastmaster isn’t actually a kitchen appliance.”

 

  • “I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I’d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.” 

 

  • “I’ve been instructed to keep this speech smut-free, so if I come across any innuendo as I’m reading through, I’ll whip it out immediately.”

 

  • “All those among you who know the bride will know that she is a wonderful and caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God he married her before she found one.”

 

  • “I’ve been asked by many how I’m going to cope with my best friend being married and spending all of his time loved up at home. I’m thrilled! I’ll finally be able to talk to women without him cramping my style.”

 

  • “Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, and a great man. But enough about me!”

 

  • “Just a couple of rules before we begin. If you have a mobile phone – leave it switched on, entertain yourselves. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, send them my way.”

 

  • “Just some last messages here to read out: one from the groom’s football team to [bride’s name] – ‘apologies we couldn’t all be here today, good luck with [groom’s name], we found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.”

 

  • “I do have to say to the groom though, just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a wife who is warm, loving and caring. And the bride as well, how lucky you are as well. You leave here today having gained a lovely dress and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.”

 

  • “[Groom’s name] asked me to be his best man a year ago – although I never actually received a formal invitation to the wedding. Let’s hope I haven’t eaten someone else’s meal by mistake – but more likely, he was saving himself the cost of a stamp.”

 

  • “A best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much, people start freaking out.”

 

  • “I didn’t really want to do this, but I thought it might be the only chance I’ll get to have a meal and some drinks paid for by the groom.”

 

  • “You’ve got no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to today. After all the time I’ve been friends with [groom’s name], he has at long last admitted that I am the best man.”

 

  •  “I’m here to give a speech about the groom – but what can I say about him that hasn’t already been a topic on the Jeremy Kyle show?”

 

  • If there’s anyone here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you’ve just married [groom’s name].”

 

  • “For the speech today, the bride and groom have asked that I don’t talk about the groom’s mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s all from me!” 

 

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